Elevator Etiquette For National Talk In Elevators Day

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Today, the last Friday in July, is National Talk In Elevators Day.

In honor of that occasion, here is some elevator etiquette — some funny things to do on an elevator.

Try one of these the next time you’re in an elevator.

… If you dare!

 

• When there is only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.
• Push a button, pretend it gave you a shock. Smile and go back for more.
• Ask the others in the elevator which floor they’re going to, but push the wrong buttons.
• Call the Psychic Hotline and ask them if they know which floor you’re on.
• Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator.
• Hold the doors open as if you’re waiting for a friend, but then let it close. Say to nobody, “Hey, Wally, how’s it been?”
• Drop a pen, wait for someone to pick it up and then yell, “That’s mine!”
• Put a cardboard box in the corner; when someone gets on ask them if they can hear ticking.
• When the doors close, announce, “Don’t worry, they’ll open again soon.”
• Enforce a group hug.
• Open your purse slightly and say, “Do you have enough air in there?”
• Tell one of the other passengers that you’re sorry, but you’re going to have to let him go.
• Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
• Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
• Shave.
• Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: “Got enough air in there?”
• Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
• Whistle the first seven notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
• When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
• Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you “Admiral”.
• On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go “plink” at the bottom.
• Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: “I’ve got new socks on!”
• When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: “Oh, not now… motion sickness!”
• Say, “Ding!” at each floor.
• Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
• Frown and mutter “gotta go, gotta go” then sigh and say “oops!”
• Sing along with the Muzak.
• Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
• Walk on with a cooler that says “human head” on the side.
• Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce “You’re one of THEM!” and move to the far corner of the elevator.
• Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, “Shut up, damnit, all of you just shut UP!”
• Leave a box between the doors.
• Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
• Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers “through” it.
• Start a sing-along.
• When the elevator is silent, look around and ask “is that your beeper?”
• Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.
• Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”
• Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
• If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler “Bad touch!”
• While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, “Hide it. quick!” then whistle innocently.